The Daily Santos: George singularity

Copying the resume of a fictional character created by a fictional character.

George made it through another manic Monday as a sitting congressman despite everyone wishing he would pack his knives and go. His constituents haven’t seen him and fellow local Republicans haven’t heard a peep, but that hasn’t stopped him from updating his website to further blur the lines between him and George Costanza. Let’s see what Baby G got into today…

Called to the principal’s office

George kicked off the week with a meeting with Speaker McCarthy that he would neither confirm nor deny even though everyone literally saw him walking out of his office. Later McCarthy, the comparatively more honest of the two, confirmed their rendezvous.

No idea what they chatted about, but my guess is McCarthy was thanking George for taking all the flack for the entire party and being a loyal voter with the caucus <3

Knock, knock

The storefront at 242-09 Northern Blvd in Douglaston, NY used to be a questionable massage parlor, and now it’s the home of a questionable politician. Santos has kind of, sort of set up shop in his one district office, though there’s no proof the representative himself has actually ever stepped foot in there.

NY Times reporter Dana Rubinstein went to scope out the new digs that still bear the name of George’s predecessor, Democrat Tom Suozzi, and had the good fortune of being allowed in for a tour. She was shown around by Mark Woolley, Santos’ district director, who wondered why she looked “perplexed” by his willingness to do the job. “You have to separate politics from government work, and you can,” he said. “Because this is government work. And it’s got to get done.”

We certainly know the congressman isn’t doing it, so thank god for Mark, I guess.

Too bad, so sad

Local Republican leaders who didn’t bother doing one minute of research into the guy running to represent them in Congress are piping mad now that Santos is a laughingstock. They’re also pissed they can’t use him to access the sweet, sweet federal coffers, which is ostensibly part of a congressman’s job. 

“I have not heard a word from George Santos,” said Glen Cove Mayor Pamela Panzenbeck, a fellow Republican. She said she's turning to other members of Congress to address the city’s federal needs — repaving roads, rehabbing parking garages, fixing water mains to avert emergency shutdowns, and more.

“George Santos is busy making a fool out of himself. Not looking to help me or anybody, as far as I’m concerned,” she said.

Panzenbeck was part of the Nassau County Republicans group therapy session and press conference a few weeks back where they all took turns saying how much they hated George and implored him to resign to save their reputations. But he hasn’t indicated a change of heart since then, so all his colleagues have left to do is kick and scream. 

The George singularity

I happened to glance at Santos’ bio on his official house website, and one part in particular jumped out. The portion about his professional experience reads: “George perused a long path to success, starting in import & export sales, customer service, corporate Hospitality to building an extensive capital markets career covering real estate, bio-tech, M&A, capital introduction for Private Equity firms and managing General Partner and Limited Partner relations.”

Let’s just ignore the use of “perused” for a moment, and focus on the part about import and export sales. In the extensive, exhaustive, embarrassing amount of time I’ve spent researching this man, there’s been nary a mention of any such work. Why, then, did it sound familiar?

And then it hit me.

Yes, friends, George has now copied the resume of a fictional character created by a fictional character. And this isn’t the first time people have noticed similarities to the characters of the same name. There’s even a “who said it?” quiz. We’re officially post-meme with this guy.

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