Chapter 38

Today is my birthday. As a Leo and an only child I won’t insult you by pretending my birthday isn’t important to me—even as I turn 38. Yes, I enjoy being showered with love and attention, but what stands out most about my birthday is that it always forces me to check in with myself. And this year with the country and the world the way they are, and despite the typical challenges and frustrations of life and relationships, what I overwhelmingly feel is gratitude.

I’m writing this from San Francisco where I’m currently visiting, a short drive from Stanford University Hospital where I underwent my second complex neurosurgery four years ago. The birthday before that looked very different: After undergoing a first unsuccessful surgery, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be healthy again. I was coming to terms with the fact that I may be dealing with a chronic illness. But thanks to diligent research and unwavering support from my family, along with a team of remarkably gifted doctors, the surgery was a success. I was able to go back to writing, go back to the things that brought me joy, and eventually get to this moment. For that, I am endlessly grateful.

If you would’ve told me 365 days ago that The Handbasket would be where it was now, I probably would’ve called you an outrageous liar. I never in a million years imagined I’d be running my own news site and running a business—mostly because there was no blueprint for it. In my mind, spinning up a new media venture required enormous sums of money from a benevolent billionaire who maintained a certain amount of control over the outlet’s content and mission. To be able to publish something that’s entirely my own, to have people actually enjoy and appreciate it, and to make a living doing it fills me with an unquantifiable amount of gratitude. 

I’ve spent the better part of this past year covering news about the worst of human cruelty, and I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t hardened my heart just a bit. Being acutely aware on a daily basis of the man-made atrocities and inequities that exist will do that to a person. There have been many times where it’s been impossible to enjoy simple pleasures because I knew how many people could only dream of having the exquisite privilege of not being in imminent danger at the hands of a tyrannical government. The only thing that’s gotten me through is being grateful: grateful to never go hungry; grateful that ICE won’t come knocking on my door; grateful that I won’t be kicked out of my home; grateful to have access to health care; grateful to live a life where survival isn’t the only objective.

To celebrate my birthday, I have a simple ask: Be good to your people. Hug your family tighter. Tell your friends “I love you.” Be generous in whichever ways you’re able. If this world has hardened your heart, try to at least keep it open to those who matter most. And above all, remember that no future is promised. So be grateful whenever you can.

-Marisa

PS: I’ll be off the next couple of days. Hopefully nothing crazy happens.